Friday 28 March 2014

Wise Words

In January, I posted about a deeply personal situation. In hindsight, perhaps I should not have done so - although I took efforts to protect the identities of people I spoke about, and to do my best not to be openly offensive. I was, however, feeling defensive. Out of defence, I made a judgement, a wrong one. Despite many hundreds of thousands of people voicing their opinions and judgements on the internet, many of them offensive and insensitive, I am reluctant to make my feelings public.

However, I did make my thoughts public. This is a public blog. I am sorry if my voicing my feelings has caused hurt (but my right to voice them is unchanged). I have removed the posts, and removed an insensitive comment that was left with the sole intention of hurting me, but exposed another person in a way which I did not feel was acceptable. I was not comfortable with such personal details about somebody who has been hurt being freely available to strangers.

It is human instinct to seek out the sources of our pain, and to do whatever we can to stop them. If we cannot resolve the pain, we strike out at other things. We seek out other reasons for our anger and our hurt, and hope that this time we will feel better.

I came to terms with what happened some time ago. His Holiness the Dalai Lama can express what I am trying to do far better than I can. Please watch, listen and absorb.

Wednesday 26 March 2014

Signs of getting older

I'm becoming increasingly aware that I am not 21 any longer. The thought of wearing a minidress and stilettos and going out dancing until 3am is not appealing these days. Neither is the fried chicken from the dubious fried chicken shop that we used to frequent after a night's dancing.

No, these days I fancy things like kale and chia seeds (whatever they are). I live in my sheepskin slippers and good sensible flats, work boots, and on the few occasions when I do cram my feet into a pair of heels, I just notice that my feet have spread and my bunion has got a bit worse.

I used to stop and stare at the window displays of Footlocker and Size?, in love with the brightly coloured Nikes and Adidas that would look totally sick at dance class.

OK, sometimes I still do that.

I tend to stop and stare at different window displays, though. The ones with good saucepans and juicers and solid wood furniture. I dream about the day when I can construct my perfect living room.

But the most recent, most potent sign that I am not 21 any longer is these...

I'm getting old and blind. Awesome.

I used to be able to read for hours, in terrible light, and suffer no ill effects. Lately I noticed headaches, a sense of tiredness in my eyes, and I was squinting unattractively as I moved the page closer and further in a bid to find the perfect focus zone.

The optometrist told me cheerfully that my vision probably won't go downhill in any significant way until I'm in my forties, so that's something to look forward to.

Monday 24 March 2014

Efforts in creativity

Things have been a bit mad recently. I'll explain later. The long and short of it is I've needed to find ways to silence my brain, and to focus on one small task at a time. Otherwise the deluge of information and ideas is rather overwhelming.

I spent quite a bit of time over the Christmas period crafting jewellery, and I've picked it up again in the last few days. There's something rather zen about picking apart a piece of unloved jewellery and piecing something new together.

jewellery 002

I was given a whole bunch of beaded jewellery by an old housemate before she moved out, which has bulked out my collection of materials considerably, but I've also made a few purchases here and there.

jewellery 003

These interesting coloured chip beads came from Fishtail, Montana. The shop had strings and strings of locally sourced mineral beads. I had to limit myself to just the two colours.

jewellery 010

jewellery 009

I love them, and I want to make use of them, but the holes drilled in them are a little small for the metal findings I use. I'll either have to attempt to learn about using thread or wire, or find myself a drill.

jewellery 102

Some of my creations are simpler than others. I have a few different colours to work with, and gold is not something I would usually wear. I'm quite tempted to try now that I've been playing with it a bit.

But these are probably my favourites...

jewellery 106

I'm in the process of opening up a shop on Etsy, but being the sort of person who agonises over these things, it'll take me a while before I can summon the courage to get it up and running properly.

Wednesday 19 March 2014

Scuppered

Hmm. The proverbial spanner is firmly wedged in the works. I have had the most definitive news yet from the school in Seattle, and it's spanner-shaped.

I had intended to go and study under a student visa, but for the school to give me the relevant forms to get a student visa, they need to be part of a big government system. Being small and perfectly formed, and not regulated by the government (which is part of why they are so awesome), they are not part of this scheme. So the student visa is not an option. They've previously only taken students who already had visas or green cards.

Well, bother, as Pooh Bear might have said.


Monday 17 March 2014

Spring cleaning

There are cobwebs everywhere. What's more embarrassing is that a spider has taken up residence under my bedside table and insists on spinning a web between the table and my mattress. I've tried to convince her not to, but she's persistent.

I think a new spider has taken up residence in my wing mirror, spinning a very different kind of web from the ones CJ used to make. I'm a little sad about that.

In the spirit of spring cleaning, I took it upon myself to completely rebuild, rewrite, rewire and otherwise overhaul Cowboy's website. I made the first version (which is no longer available to view - possibly a blessing) in one stressful day, sitting in a trailer while Cowboy wandered in and out, hoping I was done.

The new and improved version took me all week, in sessions of about three hours at a time. It is finally finished, and is up and running. I'm pretty pleased with it, if I do say so myself.

Phew.


Saturday 15 March 2014

My Excessive Collections: new lip balm

Whilst shopping at Coastal feed store in Mount Vernon a few weeks ago, when I spoiled us with some new tack for Sunshine, I spotted a box of lip balm at the till. I was really just intrigued by the name.

Best lip balm I've found in a long time! #chickenpoop

"You never heard of that?" Cowboy said, bemused. "You put chicken poop on your lips. Old cowboy remedy."

I did my best not to think too hard about how that works, and added a tube to our pile of leather and metal on the desk. I then forgot all about it for several days. I eventually remembered, and dug it out to see what on earth I had bought.

Look at this lovely list of ingredients!


Untitled

No poop! Yay! I slathered it on immediately. The flavour is citrusy and fresh, but leaves a soft and buttery feel on the lips. The consistency is just right - not too firm, not too squishy. I am rapidly wishing I had picked up a fistful of these. If you see some Chicken Poop on your shopping travels, invest. You won't regret it.

P.S. It turns out the "remedy" was that if you put chicken poop on your lips, you wouldn't lick them any longer, thus ending the vicious cycle of chapped lips. Still disgusting.

Visit the website to see other lovely looking products, such as Good Gravey, and Kill It Dead. I'll take them just for the names and scrumptious packaging.

Thursday 13 March 2014

"She's not doing well."

If he had meant to make me think that he was about to break up with me, Cowboy did a good job this afternoon. He sent me a few cryptic messages, and ended them with the dreaded "call me later and we can talk about it" phrase. I imagined all kinds of disasters, reasons for him to leave me, accusations and other awful relationship woes.

It was worse than that. It was news about Sunshine.

My girl is sick :( I hate that kind of news.

She had a cough and a runny nose when I was there, and we put it down to the cold weather. She has been this way for over a month now, and has lost weight. Cowboy sounded worried. That's how I know that serious shit is going down.

He's wormed her, and is giving her a course of antibiotics for a week. If she's not looking up by then, it'll be time to call the vet. I hope above all hopes that she bounces back and there is nothing more ominous that she has to endure. Here is more news that I am now waiting for...

It is telling that the thought of losing her makes me as emotional as it does. It might be just down to old memories of losing Domino so swiftly I didn't even fully understand how sick he was, but part of it is definitely about her. For all her issues, I adore her spirit.

Be better, Sunshine. Please.

Wednesday 12 March 2014

"I feel stronger..."

I am a bit of a nerd, secretly. I love a good RPG on the X-Box or on my computer. I adore those roaming adventure games where you build your trusty band of comrades and go on quests.

One of the games of years gone by that I loved (but never finished), was Planescape: Torment, an epic game of storytelling and imagination. I think I only played it through the once.


What stuck with me most was what the only playable character would say when you had enough experience to level up. In his gruff, battle-worn voice, he would growl:
I feel stronger...
I feel like I'm levelling up. Today, I completed the third run of the Couch to 5k programme - that's week one done and dusted. It was tough, but probably because I chose to run up and down hills in the village, instead of running on the flat. It was good to see the little progress map move to week two. It was good to get home feeling like I could have gone on for longer.

I feel stronger. Apart from how my knees hurt, and I have a new pain in my shoulder.

My mental fortitude still leaves a lot to be desired, as I can think of nothing but chocolate, biscuits and cake at the moment.

No news from the school in Seattle yet. The suspense is killing me.

Sunday 9 March 2014

Measuring up

As part of my plan to transform myself from weakling to wonderwoman, I realised I needed a way to measure my progress. A month in America doing little else than eating and sitting about hasn't been the best way to start, but on the other hand it gives me a clean break from one way of life and way forward into another.

I took some measurements, which I'm about to share with you here. Now, I'd like to clarify something: I'm by no means looking to lose weight. I don't want to become smaller, or get a thigh gap, or see my clavicle. No thanks. What I want to is to be fit enough to run without heaving up a lung. I want to be strong enough to lift hay bales. I want to fill out my clothing with firm curves of a healthy, powerful body.

So, here goes. I would actually like a good few of these measurements to go up as I train.

  • Calves: 13 1/2"
  • Above-knee: 15 1/2" on the right, 15 1/4" on the left (remnant of injury and muscle wasting)
  • Mid-thigh: 18 1/4" on the right, 18" on the left.
  • Upper thigh: 21 1/4" on both sides
  • Butt: 37" (this definitely needs to go up)
  • Hips: 31"
  • Waist: 27 3/4"
  • Chest (bra-level): 30" (the bra-fitting lady knew her stuff)
  • Chest (above boobs): 34"
  • Upper arms: 10"
  • Neck: 13"

There we go. I'd like my calves and thighs to tone up. By "tone", I don't mean get firmer, I mean get bigger. I want muscle. My butt needs shape and size, because right now it is flimsy and flat and doesn't help me jump up in the saddle at all. My thighs need to grow, particularly the left which is still atrophied from injury in September. My arms need more muscle too. My upper body strength is non-existent.

I'll attempt to remember to update these as I go. Today, I begin conditioning.

Saturday 8 March 2014

The first run

I went for a "run" today. I'm going to use that term loosely. Let's remember that I haven't run anywhere since last March. A long and complicated combination of sheer laziness, preoccupation with exams/studies/horse riding, injury, illness, travel, new injuries, more illness, more travel, and yet more illness meant that I didn't really run in the last year.

Today's effort was a start on a long road. I downloaded a "Couch to 5k" app on my phone, made sure I had some appropriate funky house to run to, and peeled myself into my running clothes. I laced on my trainers. Then I made myself look in the mirror. If I didn't go and run now, I was just an idiot wearing running clothes in the house.

I strapped on my heart rate monitor and my GPS watch, items I purchased in a rash of enthusiasm a few years ago. I really only love them for the calorie burn calculation that they produce.

The first episode of this Couch to 5k programme was mostly walking. There were eight runs of one minute each. I don't know what was more depressing: that the runs were only a minute long, or that I was wheezing and coughing my way to the end of each minute with barely another step left in me. I am horrifically unfit, to a degree that I don't recall for many years. My dance fitness came on so gradually, I didn't appreciate how in shape I was when I took up running the first time. This is a firm slap in the face. I need to put in work.

First run

Luckily, it was a beautiful day, and I only got chased by a dog once, so it was a nice outing. I also got to see frogs in the village pond, and I do love seeing frogs.

It's a little hard to tell but the filth pit that is the village pond is now stuffed with frogs and frogspawn. At last that solitary goldfish has some company! Spring is here!

By the time I got home, 32 minutes after I'd left, I had burned 240 calories, most likely through panic that I was about to die of heart failure. The lady on my app congratulated me heartily on completing the first session. I felt pretty pleased. The next run will be on Monday. Let's hope it's less gaspy and a bit more springy. I expect I will be stiff tomorrow. I'll deal with that when it happens.

Thursday 6 March 2014

Back to the books

I've been back home in the UK for a couple of days now. I'm so jet-lagged, I could vomit. The weather was kind enough to be that glorious March sunshine that makes the rolling clouds look wonderful when I landed, but now it's gone back to the dreary grey.

My month in Washington went far too quickly for me to understand. We lost several days, snowed in, and a good deal more time travelling up and down the state. I spent a small fortune.

I spoiled Cowboy on Valentine's Day, buying him a leather splitter and a pattern for him to make his own spur straps. I know, I can hear you thinking it. He's the luckiest man alive, with romantic gestures like that. His gift to me was driving me to Seattle more times than he'd care to mention, and with only minimal complaining.

Who says romance is dead?

Now that I'm home, it's time to get on with boring tasks like doing the company accounts, realising I need to stop spending so much money on Cowboy, and hoping like heck that I can get the right paperwork together for the school in Seattle to accept me into their programme as of May. I don't particularly want to have to wait until September.



Although Cowboy said it was a good thing I was leaving for a bit, as Sunshine was getting kind of smart-arse about things and he needs some time to put her back to work. I didn't think we looked too bad.

Popular Posts